The only chocolate you would find in my fridge would be Ex-lax...

By Sam Whiteoak

When I was growing up, Norwich always used to smell of chocolate and it was delicious. When I started my first job, I had to walk past the chocolate factory four times a day. On the way to work, on my way out to lunch, on the way back from lunch & on the way home. Four times a day I had to take a deep breath & rush along the street trying not to inhale the aroma. Why? Because there are hidden calories in food smells, didn’t you know??

Of course there aren’t really hidden calories in food smells, the very idea is ridiculous isn’t it? Not if you are anorexic. From avoiding using food based beauty products in case you accidently absorb the sugar or similar through the skin directly into your stomach to worrying about calories per sniff. For me, these were all genuine fears.

I’ve spent a long time on the Anorexia/Bulimia merry go round, either months at a time living on a small salad a day or eating enough in one sitting to feed a family of six. At one point, the only chocolate you would find in my fridge would be Ex-lax. I would eat a bar every day. Did this give me the physique of my dreams? No, but it did make me somewhat of an expert in toilet roll and an advocate of the cheaper wipe because let’s face it, when you spend as much time on the loo as I did, to use the expensive brands you may as well “Wipe your arse on five pound notes” (In the words of Jim Royale…although I expect with inflation it would be more like wiping on a tenner).

I’ve always managed to evade capture. I had a close call when I was 15 & one of my teachers noticed I was throwing away my packed lunch. I was taken to the doctors, weighed & then had to leave the room while the doctor had a chat with my mother. When we returned home, mum had a private chat with dad who then popped his head round my bedroom door to enquire whether I would like one baked bean or two for my tea. So other than this incident, I’ve never shown what everyone assumes are the giveaway signs. I’ve never had problems with my teeth, at 42 my choppers remain completely filling free. I have a naturally athletic build so I’ve never looked painfully thin even when my weight was as low as six & a half stone. I could go on, but I am supposed to be sharing my experience & not tips on how to avoid detection.

This was pretty much my life for over 20 years. 4 years ago I joined the gym. It was recommended by him in doors as a way to combat stress. To be fair, I didn’t need much persuasion as immediately I could see it as another way to lose a few non-existent pounds. As part of the new improved me, I also decided I was going to go vegan. Having been vegetarian since the age of 14, I didn’t really think the change would be that bigger difference (other than the fact that it gave me an excuse to avoid a whole new group of foods). This was when things started to go very wrong. Heart palpitations, permanent fatigue, anxiety, constant colds. Naturally I assumed I had something seriously wrong with me despite several trips to the doctors and blood tests which all said I was fine. This continued for some time before I started to admit to myself that this may actually be the result of the starve/binge cycle I had grown so used to. My body was tired, I was tired. I needed to change. The changes were slow, I would do well for a couple of months & then get bogged down with work, miss a meal & the whole cycle would start again.

Then last year something happened to me which would completely change the view I’d had of food for so long. I started lifting weights. Only little girly ones to begin with because I am a girl & just wanted to look ‘toned’ besides, I still couldn’t quite get my head around dropping six hours of cardio a week & not gaining weight. I started to read up on the subject of bodybuilding, the training programmes, the diet, everything. As the months passed the idea of having big muscles really appealed to me & I started to train hard. Big muscles don’t just grow by themselves. They need fuel, which they only get if you eat food…..So what was I to do? I was going to have to eat, that’s what. For once I was not scared by this prospect I had finally found something more important to me than being thin. I started off slowly by eating breakfast for the first time since I was at school & then after a few weeks I added lunch to my day too. Small regular meals is a popular choice among bodybuilders & this seems to work perfectly for me. I eat six meals a day (yep, SIX) three to four hours apart. By doing this, I never feel hungry but more importantly I never have that bloated feeling which is something I have always hated. Ironically, I weigh more than I ever have (well I assume I do. I actually have no idea what I weigh.

I had a bit of a panic just after Christmas this year when I made the mistake of weighing myself so now scales are banned from my house & I have no idea where they are hiding the scales at the gym these days). Clothes that used to fit now fall off me & my entire body shape has changed. I have finally got the kind of body shape I spent years trying to starve myself into achieving. Of course, as with most things there are times when I slip up and it’s usually when I am busy which makes it too easy to miss a meal. I do follow a nutrition plan which has been adapted to suit my vegetarian lifestyle. It is however, proper food. I monitor my diet closely & I will tweak it here & there if I feel something isn’t working. I have been told that I’ve effectively just swapped one obsession for another but you know what? I don’t care because the people who tell me that are just jealous I have bigger muscles than they do….. ;-)

Thanks

Sam

"About Sam Whiteoak - I am mummy to four cats, I've studied nutrition in my spare time gaining diplomas in Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy & am on the final phase of Sports Nutrition. I'm studying reps levels 2 & 3 to be a gym instructor & eventually a personal trainer...I am keen to encourage ladies of all ages into the gym, particularly the weights section! My dream is to gain sponsorship as an athlete to prove that us oldies have just as much to offer as the young'uns!"